Active voice vs. Passive voice

A movie relies on set design and camera shots to give the viewer a feeling for time and place. An author must rely on words to create the same effect. Good writing paints a picture for the reader. Passive voice uses verbs such as was, had, had been, got, gotten. Active voice uses verbs that bring movement or action to mind. Compare the following:

Passive voice – The white house was set back from the street. The front door was slightly ajar and hadn’t been painted in years. The living room curtains had gotten yellow over time. Part of the upstairs window frame was hanging at a crooked angle.

Active voice – Overgrown grass and dandelions attacked the foundation of the dilapidated house. White paint peeled away from the siding in wide curls. The front door hung slightly ajar, the weathered wood gray from years of rain. Yellow stains streaked the living room curtains. Part of the frame on the upstairs window dangled in mid-air, just waiting for a strong gust of wind to carry it away.

Regardless of your topic, or whether you write fiction or nonfiction, active voice more clearly describes the scene for the reader.

Point of View

Point of View (POV) is how the story is narrated. Narration generally occurs in first-person (“I saw” or “We did”) or third-person (“He put on his hat” or “She rode the bike”). Most novels are narrated in third person (although first person is becoming more popular) and the narration is either “omniscient” or “limited.” In the omniscient viewpoint, the narrator shifts the focus from character to character, having knowledge of everyone’s thoughts. Like an invisible observer. In the limited viewpoint, the focus is on a single character. That character may change from chapter to chapter or scene to scene—Henry in the first chapter, Susan in the second chapter, Robert in the third, etc. But only one character is allowed a viewpoint in any one section. The omniscient viewpoint was historically prevalent. In the twentieth century, the limited viewpoint became the more popular perspective. This narrative style allows the reader to focus on one character at a time, and allows the author more depth with the character’s thoughts and feelings.

Objective Case

A common mistake is the following: “She came to visit my wife and I for a couple of weeks.” The pronouns after the verb—in this case “my” and “I”—serve as the object of the sentence and take the objective case. I is the subjective case, and therefore incorrect. The correct way is to say, “She came to visit my wife and me for a couple of weeks.” 

The subjective case pronouns are: I, we, you, he/she/it, they.
The objective case pronouns are: me, us, you, him/her/it, them.

If you have trouble determining which pronoun to use, try breaking down the sentence. “She came to visit . . . (I/me). Which one sounds better? Would you say, “She came to visit I?” Or would you say, “She came to visit me?” When all else fails, consult a grammar book or a professional grammarian.

Noun & Verb Agreement

A wonderfully inspirational person wrote in a recent e-letter, “There’s a lot of services . . .” Many of you might think that sentence is perfectly okay. We hear this kind of phrasing frequently today, on the radio, on TV, at a seminar. Important people make these statements. And if they’re saying it, then it must be right.

While times have certainly changed, the above sentence is technically incorrect. The correct way is to say, “There are a lot of services.” The subject of the sentence is services, a plural noun. A plural noun requires a plural verb. Is is the singular form of the verb to be; are is the plural form. So the next time you see, “There’s two cars parked in front of the store,” or “There’s a lot of good men in this company,” you’ll know that the sentence is incorrect. And you won’t make the same mistake when you write.

Hooks

A great opening line alone won’t sell your book. But it will grab the editor’s/agent’s/publisher’s attention. Once you’ve done that, your chances of making an impression have increased.

But how do you “hook” the reader?

Hook means “to take strong hold of; captivate.” When you open your favorite book, does that first sentence take strong hold of you? Does it captivate you? In other words, does it entice you, or make you wonder, or make you want to know what happens next? If so, then it’s hooked you. And that’s what you want your opening line to do.

Now that you know the definition of a hook, how do you create one? There are nine elements that comprise a hook:

  1. Surprise (a surprising situation)
  2. Danger
  3. Evocative description – a setting that pulls the reader in
  4. Overpowering emotion
  5. Introducing a unique character
  6. Warning or foreshadowing
  7. Shocking or witty dialogue
  8. The totally unexpected
  9. Raising a direct question

Not all of these elements must be present at the same time. Several of them together, though, can and will strengthen your opening line. Ray Bradbury’s famous story Farenheit 451 begins with “It was a pleasure to burn.” Those words contain surprise (burning is not usually viewed as pleasurable), danger (fires can get out of control), overpowering emotion (can you see the wicked grin on the speaker’s face as he watches the fire?), shocking or witty dialogue, and the totally unexpected. What about warning or foreshadowing? Raising a direct question? We have at least five elements here, possibly seven. Not bad for six words.

Let’s take Alice Walker’s line from The Color Purple: “You better not never tell nobody but God.” Again, we have surprise (you immediately want to know what this character is hiding), overpowering emotion (do you sense the fear?), warning or foreshadowing (something horrible is bound to happen if the person tells), shocking or witty dialogue (the words also add flavor from the dialect), the totally unexpected, and raising a direct question (what happened to this character to create such a secret?). Six elements. Eight words.

Sometimes the simplest lines are the most powerful.

If you’re thinking but I’m not Ray Bradbury or Alice Walker; I’ll never be able to write a line like that, don’t despair. Even best-selling authors work hard to craft remarkable language. The opening from Anita Diamant’s The Red Tent is a good example. Here is the first draft.

“My name is Dinah and this is my story. Not the story of my father or my more well-known brother, Joseph, but my story.”

What the author eventually published is as follows:

“We have been lost to each other for so long. My name means nothing to you. My memory is dust. This is not your fault, or mine. The chain connecting mother to daughter was broken and the word passed to the keeping of men, who had no way of knowing. That is why I became a footnote, . . .”

Time and patience (and inspiration) allowed Anita Diamant to achieve a much more eloquent and emotional version of her introduction.

With a little effort, you, too, can craft a strong opening line. Analyze your writing. Determine your strengths. Do you use short sentences and powerful words? Then keep your hook simple. Go for the surprise, the danger, the totally unexpected. If you’re a literary writer and love flowing description, then an evocative setting or something like Anita Diamant’s opening is better suited to you.

Use the list of elements that comprise a hook. If your line contains only two or three of these, see if you can rephrase your opening to incorporate more. Wow your readers. Then keep going. Hook them at the end of the paragraph and again at the end of the page. The farther they get, the more likely they are to buy your book.

Proofreading vs. Editing

To proofread is to read and mark corrections in (as a proof). When you send a manuscript to a printer for publishing, the printer prepares a galley, or a final proof. This is the way the document will look when it’s published. The author takes the galley (final proof) and reads it over, making sure that this final version is correct. Noting any corrections or changes on this final version is known as proofreading. The “proof” is assumed to be correct. It is not up to the proofreader to change the language or offer suggestions for improvement. The proofreader is only looking for anything that varies from the original.

To edit is to alter, adapt, or refine especially to bring about conformity to a standard or to suit a particular purpose. This is where the editor brings in his/her own judgment to change sentence structure for more clarity. The editor can also add or subtract language to enhance description, make a passage more vivid, increase the pace, etc.

Over the years, the definition of proofreading has changed. The lines have blurred. It is now commonly viewed as correcting for grammar, punctuation, and spelling.  Many times, in addition to correcting the errors, suggestions for improvement or clarity are noted on the manuscript.

When you proofread try to stay as close to the original version of proofreading as I can. You want to preserve the author’s style of writing and simply correct any incorrect grammar. This allows the author to see proper sentence structure as well as any awkwardness or confusion in the original structure. From there he/she can make the choice to keep the language as is or to change it.